i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
