my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so let's talk penis.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
