someone get that fucking seahorse.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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