i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
