fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
