Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
