just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
