so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
