i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
