It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
