My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
