You were right. It hurts to walk today.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
