Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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