direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
