what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
