The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
40s are totally the cure
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
