I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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