what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
