i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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