I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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