I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So squirting runs in the family.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
