yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
