My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
