Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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