I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
