I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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