Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
