I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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