Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
