Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
