operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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