Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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