my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
