Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The Olympian is in my bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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