Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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