I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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