So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
