There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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