doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
