Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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