I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
