I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
