Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
