I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
