just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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