How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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