I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
