he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
