I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
