This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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