Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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