Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
