Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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